That Beast Again

1:11pm: I was inspired by an AV Club article...
My Year Of Flops Case File 97: Exit To Eden":

Nathan Rabin writes:

Just how staggeringly banal and wholesome is the film’s fierce head dominatrix? When Mercurio asks Delany what she likes best in bed she giggles “What do I like to do best in bed? I like to giggle. Cuddle and giggle. After a long day of smacking people it’s nice to cuddle.” I think it’s safe to also assume she enjoys long walks on the beach, holding hands under the moonlight and watching her stories on the teevee while eating bon-bons and scooping Haagen-Daas straight out of the container.

I realize that I've never answered the oft-asked question of what I like best in bed. To make the official statement, then, that would be:

"To drive your enemy before you, to burn his houses and fields, and to hear the lamentations of his women."

10:54pm: I am, however, speaking at CV again.
...in mid-October, tentatively titled "Near-Death Experiences and Dominance".

4:15pm: In response to a comment on dot-bdsm-snark
Someone snarked a fellow who said

"the stronger prey on the weak and meak,,thats why their called submissives."

Nonsense.
If they were weak, we'd eat them. And then we'd have wasted a lot of money on collars.

2:14am: I am sorry, my friends...
My events keep eating all the time and energy I might otherwise put into this.

I think it's true that, if I get a stable success with the events, I will come back to this journal.

I am getting closer. I really am.

1:35am: Outline of completely redesigned workshop for Conversio Virum
a work still in progress

"Humiliation For Fun And Profit"

Introduction:

~"96 Hours". A story from my life.
~"Sip". A traditional parable, slightly retold
~"Anatomy". One man's working definition of "humiliation".

Trepanation:

~"The Other F-Word": Another story of mine.
~"Show Me Where It Hurts". Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick...

I Respect, But Reject, Larry & Barb's Reality, And Substitute My Own

~"Macro vs. Micro". Two lifestyle dominants, two thoroughly different paths.
~"Profit?" ...so why would one go to these places?

WWHLD: What Would Hannibal Lecter Do?

~"Humiliation 2: Now, It's Personal"
~"What would Hannibal Do...and Should I?"

12:44pm: The blogs of others
Anyone familiar with "http://love-as-thou-wilt.blogspot.com">love-as-thou-wilt.blogspot.com</a>? Apparently, there was some writing about the Wicked Faire, but 'tis subscribers-only.

How have you been, friends?

12:02am: I'm going to apply to speak at Columbia's "CV" again...
...proposed subject:

"How To Be A Jerk Without Even Touching Somebody".

2:07am: The Wicked Faire
We interrupt this intermittent journal to say:

(a) Go to The Wicked Faire this February 10th. I don't care if you live far away. It's worth travelling to New Jersey for this.

(b) And if you want to see the awesome powers of D/s, look no further than my role in this.

That is all.

11:18pm: And in my usual infrequent non-D/s post...
You, yes, you should go to Halloween in December this coming Saturday.

2:25pm: "Only the strong can be gentle"
Sensei Davy Jones used to say that one. It would be more accurate, perhaps, to say "truly gentle", or "certain kinds of gentle"--but that wasn't Sensei Jones' style. He'd put something simple out there, and leave it there for you to play with.

It's true, of course. Gentleness is not weakness...

...but if you're gentle because you're not strong, then it's a flawed "gentleness".

It's commonly mentioned--and correctly so--that if your submission comes from an inability to control yourself, it's a poor submission.

A chosen gentleness is nothing like a choiceless one.

6:04am: The Wicked Good Time
So go to The Wicked Good Time or horrible, horrible things will happen to the_sea_lingers.

8:50am: We now pause for a brief commercial announcement
This would be a really good time for you to go investigate my sexual-freedom-oriented, HIV-benefit, really cool, NJ-area upcoming November 11th event.

7:35pm: Reasons, reasons
Not about Sensei Jones just yet. A brief entry, first.

When I first started doing martial arts, I was very idealistic. (Hey, I was 13!) I read a lot about how, to become a good martial artist, you needed to train your body and your mind--so a good sabumnim, sensei, or sifu would carefully educate you about using your skills wisely. Plus, to be really good, you'd have to be able to achieve some relatively high Zen state, even if only selectively, and surely that would guide you will.

This was not true. Not entirely true. There were, and are, great martial artists who are awful people; there are folks who do it to beat people up; there are plenty of people whose use of the martial arts is just bloody unhealthy.

Nevertheless, contrariwise--some the absolute most rock-solid and trustworthy people I know are, indeed, martial artists.

I don't have anything terrifically new to say on the ancient "Do D/s people have abuse in their backgrounds?" question. I just have an opinion.

Indeed, it is thoroughly possible to do this in an unhealthy way. And to do it for reasons which I, at least, might consider "wrong".

But in my own experience, most people who have--for example--endured insane abuse, and then grown up to live as independant human beings, capable of doing things for themselves, doing things for themselves...

..and then choosing to endure insane abuse...

...are braver people than I am. And more developed as human beings.

3:08pm: "I can take care of myself"
"I'm a big boy/girl. I can take care of myself."

I hear that a lot.

(Okay, technically, no. I hear that phrase, in particular, from only one person. But you know what I mean.)

I know you can take care of yourself.

It's not that I'm worried you can't take something I'm saying or doing... if I'm asking a question about your comfort or feelings, it's because I don't want you to have to take something.

If a friend punches me in the stomach, I can probably take it, as could most people in reasonably good health who aren't Houdini. But that doesn't mean that I want to.

I'm unconventional in some of my actions and expressions. This is neither good nor bad; it's just what it is. I may want you to accept it about me, but that doesn't mean I want you to ignore discomfort.

Trust me. There will be plenty of discomfort I want you to feel.

_____________________

Up next: The wisdom of Davy Jones.

12:00am: Some life: Variant on a meme:
For the first five people who reply, I will--slowly--write each of you a poem on the D/s-related subject of your choice.

Provisos: (a) I technically reserve the right to ask you to chose another subject if I think you're choosing one with the intention of annoying me. I probably won't, but I reserve the right.

(b) You don't have to do this meme yourself.

(c) I reserve the right to post my responses to this journal, unless the work is very personal.

10:52am: I'm tired...
...and I may have found a director for "From The Dirt".

Sporadic updates will be returning shortly.

9:43pm: Sixty second submissions
So this is not a new idea, nor is it original to me. It goes like this:

If I don't necessarily have time do to martial arts for a few hours every day (or, as some would put it, I am not currently making time for it) -

then, once in a while - whenever I remember and am in a circumstance that permits -

I'll do about a minute's worth of something martial arts related. Maybe I'll throw a few slow punches. Maybe I'll meditate.

Maybe I'll just think about punching.

So I was wondering:

What might be some sixty-second submissions?

___________

Also, yes, I love my new icon. Want something like it? wickedfaire.

2:12pm: Appearance - and, illustrator wanted
Yes, the rumours are true!
(What rumours? Well, there aren't any, actually, but I figure that, if I say that, people might think there's this vast buzz that they've not yet noticed, and wish to join in. So let's play pretend for a bit...)

..the rumours are true! I will be appearing at the Playtime Capsule dedication at PlaytimeXXX in Edison, NJ, along with dahling!

And they'd like me to sell some copies of my book!

...which leads me to say:

Anyone want to contribute some illustrations? I want to do a new version, and I think pictures would really help sell more--er, help it become a more successful artistic achievement. Yeah, that's it. Art. And all that crap.

Yeah.

Black & White is preferred. B&W Photography is also good!

Yes! This is the time to break out the camera and do that artistic photoshoot you've been dreaming about. "Honey, you HAVE to let me tie you to the ceiling. Jeff needs more pictures."

3:37am: Klondike Bars
So this was going to be the "sixty second submissions" post - and then I realized, while I was writing the introduction, that I wanted to put this information into a separate piece. Here 'tis:

How can I take several years of not practicing martial arts at all - which came on the tail end of several years of practicing insufficiently, adding up to about ten years -

and start to get to a place which begins to regain and improve on ten years of practicing martial arts constantly?

Daily training of several hours would be good, and my first teacher was quite right: if it matters that much to you, you'll make time. (That is, assuming you live a life when time is, at least, plausible; the Discordian in me wants to point out that if you're serving a 20 year sentence in Siberian salt mines, martial arts practice is less feasible. But I'm not; I'm just too busy because I'm trying to make a living working for myself. If martial arts were really important, I could get a day job, instead - even a simple one. People have sacrificed far more.)

I'm not willing to do that.

If the question were about D/s, and not martial arts - if, somehow, I needed to change my situation that dramatically in order to have D/s in my life...would I?

Yes.

What am willing to do?

I would give up many kinds of being in love, for D/s.
I would cut myself off from my family, if I had to. But I deeply wouldn't want to.
I would lose friendships, if I had to.

(The last two - are flexible situations. Would I, for example, have a friendship where I never discussed the fact that I did D/s? Sure. Would I, if I felt I had to, simply hide it from my family? Probably - rather than have to cut off things with them completely. The thing is - I wouldn't say, "If you don't say you 100% support my lifestyle, I can't be your friend". It's more along the lines of "You have to chose, Jeff - give up D/s and be my friend, or leave my life". And of course, someone who's made you chose is already someone with whom things are potentially dangerous.)


I don't think I'd cut off a hand. I don't think I'd lose one eye, but I might; I'm biased on the subject.

I need to think more on this.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

3:22am: Upcoming Short Article:
"Sixty Second Submissions".

7:54pm: The difference between a submissive and a slave
Since there's a lot of controversy about the meaning of these two words, I will now, as a public service to the leather community, give the official definition, which the community should use hereafter:

Submissives get a better dental plan, but slaves get a 401(k).

1:07pm: I'm back.
Did you miss me?

8:30pm: Words, words, words, words, words
merinslips wrote:

If you're still taking topics -- what is it about some D/s relationships that makes the dominant start using words like "cock" and "slut" and so on more than one does in a more conventional relationship? What is the purpose of calling your slave a slut if she isn't? A whore if she's not? What's the purpose of referring to sexual acts in the most vulgar slang possible? I don't quite see how this adds to the Dominant/submissive aspect. For me it would make the relationship feel false -- because I'm not a whore, I'm not a slut. If you want to own me, own -me-, not a figment of your imagination

For me, this is a question of framework - of how we build D/s relationships, what makes them. Certainly, many D/s relationships eventually have quite a lot of regulations and formal structure - but are those its defining points? I don't think so. I think a D/s situation can be self-organizing, based around a few very simple rules. (The one with which I sometimes begin - "Do as I tell you, unless you don't want to" - could be the only real "rule" for an entire relationship... given sufficient complexity of definitions for the word "want"...)

Now, one of the cliches of the D/s world is a very physical approach to "ownership". Anne Rice's "Beauty" series (or at least, the first book-and-a-half... I can't speak with any real authority on the rest. It had some interesting ideas, and maybe it became brilliant later, but I fear I got kinda bored and stopped reading) - depicts Beauty as being very much in almost perpetual physical control--almost always watched and/or locked up and/or bound and/or supervised by someone who could physically arrest her freedom, even were she unrestrained. de Sade's "Justine" depicts an unfortunate and wholly unwilling girl, with perhaps the world's worst luck, who keeps falling into the hands of various duplicitous persons who bind her and force her into pain and degradation. And in Gor...

...but I don't think I need to expand on Gor, do I?

The examples above are women-submitting-to-men, but it's hardly limited to that, of course. I just can't think of a fairly classic book about men-submitting-to-women off the top of my head, except for "Venus In Furs", and I haven't actually read that. (Well, I read the comic book version, but I have the feeling it's not wholly accurate to the original tale.)

But Lovelace said it best:

"When I lie tangled in her hair
And fetter’d to her eye,
The birds that wanton in the air
Know no such liberty."

In my eyes, it's a simple as this: I love words, and I don't really use those words very often. And they're certainly not words I'd ordinarily use with a lover, or an intimate partner.

So using them is, for me, a signifier. Not one I'd use with everyone - but then again, I wouldn't treat anyone who submitted to me in exactly the same way...they're different people, with different thought patterns, after all. (Likewise,I wouldn't expect, and don't expect, when I switch, that everyone who's dominant with me is going to want the same things, the same formats, the same styles. But I digress.)

It says:

"No, you're not a whore. And the fact that I can call you one... is a tangible, visible reminder of your submission to me."

In some circumstances, I might expand it:

"If I say you're a slut, you'll be a slut for me, and you will like it Or don't like it, if you don't want - but you'll do it for me anyway."

12:03am: Jeff: so assuming I go foodshopping in the next hour or two, as I currently plan - is there anything in particular you'd like me to get?
cathay:frogs on sticks.
cathay:coated in caramel if you can find them.
Jeff: okay.
cathay: ...wait, what? you're food-shopping after midnight?
Jeff : (a) Yes, I am.
Jeff : (b) Do recall, you are speaking to someone who has every ability to go to the asian market tomorrow and get frog meat. and every ability to make you eat it. in fact, every ability to make you cook it to the best of your ability and then eat it. would you like to retract that statement?
cathay: I dunno. I'm kinda curious about the taste of frogmeat.


In other news...I'm back!

Also..I may be visiting Great Barrington, MA next weekend. Anyone from 'round there?

Next update: I respond to merinslips' comments!

11:45am: Gods, they looked at me funny, at last night's CV party,
when I mentioned that my submissive would be allowed, if she chose, to punch me in the head.

Remind me to expand on that, sometime after the Wicked Faire?

Ditto, would someone remind me to answer merinslips' excellent question, post-Faire?